Agatha, darling, there you are. Come in, take off that coat before you drip all over the Wilton.
Golly Mary dear, what unseasonable weather. I tried and failed three times to dry my washing on the line. My undies ended up in the roses – most distressing.
Really? How upsetting. One simply cannot believe it’s August. Storms, wind, thunder, what will be next? A plague of locusts? The four horsemen of the Apocalypse?
That’s not till October 31st darling. Unless something miraculous happens and this Brexit catastrophe is averted.
Quite, but let’s not talk politics, Agatha. I’ve just laid out some tea in the conservatory. We can pretend it’s a warm sunny day in there.
Good idea Mary old bean. Just what the doctor ordered I think, or perhaps a shot of something stronger might be in order. I did have a shock on my way here.
Really Agatha? What happened?
Well, I decided to walk. That was a big mistake. But I really do need to shift some of this poundage, the weather does rather encourage over eating and I want to at least be able to wear my new swimsuit in Cannes next week without scaring the locals. Anyway, I was head down, against the wind, trying not to be blown into the road. I was just rounding the corner by the dry cleaners and I thought I heard someone calling my name.
Who was it?
Well, I looked up and the street was deserted. I decided that it must have been the wind in the trees or something so I carried on. By the way, have you seen the new display in the florist? It’s quite eye catching. Letitia has tried to recreate the leaning tower of pisa in bizzie lizzies.
Yes, I saw that yesterday, but I thought it was the Eiffel Tower.
Ah, perhaps the wind caught it.
Possibly dear. Anyway, do carry on with your story.
Yes, as I said, nobody about. The rain was horizontal at this point and I had to step into the road to avoid a large puddle outside the pharmacy. And I heard my name again, this time there was no mistaking. But I looked up and about and could see nobody. But the really strange thing was it sounded just like Jonty.
Goodness!
The only thing about was a large black cat on the other side of the road. It was sitting in the bus shelter.
You don’t think he’s come back? As a cat?
No dear. Jonty was allergic. To cats and travelling by bus.
Oh Agatha dear. How distressing for you.
Quite, I mean he’s been dead three years now. Still seems like yesterday.
Come on, sit down here. I’ll pour us a stiff one. I think I need something too.
Thank you Mary. That’s just the ticket. I do feel a bit calmer now, and a little stupid about the whole thing. I mean, it wasn’t Jonty, obviously. And the cat, well. Just my over active imagination I suppose.
Yes dear. I don’t want to add to your distress but I was up in the roof earlier today. And what I found has sent a few shivers down my spine.
What were you doing, dear?
Oh, just looking for some school reports the twins wanted me to send on.
Did you find them?
Yes, and I also found something rather strange. A letter.
A letter? Who from? And why would it add to my distress?
I think TC had put it up there by mistake. It was addressed to him. Normally I wouldn’t go through his stuff but perhaps the howling wind had got to me somehow, anyway, I decided to take a peek.
What was it? Don’t keep me in suspenders.
Well, dear, it was from Jonty.
Good Lord! What a colossal coincidence. Jonty appears twice in one day.
I know Agatha. Rather peculiar don’t you think?
I do. But tell me, what was in the letter.
I’ve got it here in my pocket. Take a look yourself.
(Agatha reads the letter….).
Well, my eye and Betty Martin! Do you mind if I have another snifter?
Of course, I had the same reaction. So what do you think Agatha?
Which bit particularly did you have in mind dear? The bit about the donations from that dodgy faith healer, or the James Bond style undercover work, or the secret goings on at the House? Or perhaps poor old Willie Wittering? That one gave me quite a turn dear.
Yes, me too. What is this world coming to when a chap in power remains faithful to his wife, refrains from cheating on his expenses, and is therefore regarded with suspicion.
Quite shocking dear, but haven’t you rather missed the point?
What do you mean exactly, Agatha?
Well, Jonty mentions his submissions to Parliament about climate change and how we should be switching to a ‘reducetarinism’ diet.
What is that exactly dear one? More dieting recipes might be the last straw for Martha. She’s only just recovered from catering for my 5:2 regime. And Atkins. And Weightwatchers.
It’s quite simple really – I was reading an article about it on the RSPCA Assured website – all you need to do is reduce your intake of animal products. It’s a win win apparently. You gain better health as a result and the planet benefits too. The meat industry alone accounts for 20% of greenhouse gasses, so by reducing demand in meat products, we reduce greenhouse gasses.
That seems to be remarkably simple and effective, I think even Martha could accommodate something like that. But tell me, how exactly do we go about doing this?
Well dear one, I have ordered a copy of the recipe book The Reducetarian Cookbook. It’s well supported by Deepak Chopra, Paul McCartney and some other well-knowns and seems that it offers a great way of everyone doing their bit to help sustainability.
But, and this is the most important thing dear one, is there a recipe for cake?
Indeed there is. I believe that the Chocolate Brownies are rather delicious and just the ticket with a small glass of my Rhubarb and Ginger Gin that I’ve been keeping in the fridge for a special occasion.
Well, I propose we drink to that!
Cheers! Now, let’s talk about that undercover spy ring. Do you think the chaps had code names and laser watches? It’s all terribly thrilling.
https://www.rspcaassured.org.uk/news/what-is-reducetarianism/
Agatha and Mary 